even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
