My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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