so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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