Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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