I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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