I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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