i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
