i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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