He kissed a someone with a penis
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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