Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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