Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
