dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
