I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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