Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
