It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Thank you for not boning my boss.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
