I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
