In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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