there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
