I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
