The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
