Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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