She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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