I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
