What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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