You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
