The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
