If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
