Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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