There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
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I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
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You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
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