I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
