happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
