I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
