I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
