I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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