How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
