That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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