Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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