I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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