i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
What a dumb baby whore.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
