I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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