Jerry, you need to find god
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
