If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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