Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
