yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
