i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
