Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
