so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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