Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
