If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
