Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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