I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.