im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
