My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Boobs speak an international language.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
