Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(510): View more from California

I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.

(1-510): View more from California

It was probably Jesus.

(510): View more from California

I feel like he would have left a message.

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(510): I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number. (1-510): It was probably Jesus. (510): I feel like he would have left a message. http://tfl.nu/w24x

Replies (36) Good night (4491) Bad night (819)
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(512): View more from Texas

after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.

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(512): after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men. http://tfl.nu/7tn8

Replies (31) Good night (2225) Bad night (8289)
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(917): View more from New York City

i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities

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(917): i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities http://tfl.nu/habk

Replies (30) Good night (7509) Bad night (2883)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together

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(609): i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together http://tfl.nu/y1xi

Replies (16) Good night (3452) Bad night (1781)
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(806): View more from Texas

Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.

(1-806): View more from Texas

Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.

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(806): Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk. (1-806): Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess. http://tfl.nu/c175

Replies (15) Good night (2600) Bad night (1201)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"

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(202): All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad" http://tfl.nu/wm4r

Replies (3) Good night (701) Bad night (1647)
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(510): View more from California

Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.

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(510): Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her. http://tfl.nu/i4zz

Replies (9) Good night (2291) Bad night (738)
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(614): View more from Ohio

Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?

(1-614): View more from Ohio

Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.

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(614): Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast? (1-614): Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry. http://tfl.nu/0ygg

Replies (3) Good night (755) Bad night (1190)
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(530): View more from California

Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?

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(530): Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river? http://tfl.nu/gd5u

Replies (14) Good night (1727) Bad night (452)
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(907): View more from Alaska

I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter

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(907): I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter http://tfl.nu/wvk4

Replies (13) Good night (717) Bad night (594)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.

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(717): Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much. http://tfl.nu/y3yp

Replies (3) Good night (808) Bad night (343)
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(404): View more from Georgia

I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.

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(404): I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving. http://tfl.nu/w6a6

Replies (2) Good night (363) Bad night (480)
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(301): View more from Maryland

I need a genital shamwow being this wet.

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(301): I need a genital shamwow being this wet. http://tfl.nu/u5kj

Replies (2) Good night (785) Bad night (252)
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(386): View more from Florida

I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty

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(386): I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty http://tfl.nu/i6ce

Replies (3) Good night (528) Bad night (253)
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(647): View more from Ontario

I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back

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(647): I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back http://tfl.nu/xuo9

Replies (1) Good night (282) Bad night (441)

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