We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
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she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
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He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid