Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I have surprise drugs for everyone
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.