just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
