Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
