Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
as a side note pls kill me
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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