There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
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