Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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