4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
