How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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