Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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