It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
