My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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