Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just high enough for therapy.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
