Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
