I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
