i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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