he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
