Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
