Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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