My friends, they love my intelligence
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
